Double Standard: Modesty and Social Media

This was a status that a male friend of mine posted yesterday.  As you can see it was very popular with 86 likes, 12 comments and 6 shares.  I have beef with this post and all the other post and memes in the world that are always complaining about women regarding what we do, what we say, how we look, how we act, etc.  Why, why, why!

Us women are constantly being scrutinized for every little thing we do.  Wear too much makeup?  You're fake.  Don't wear enough makeup?  You're ugly.  Got a big butt and big boobs?  You're a hoe.  Always posting on social media?  You're seeking attention.  Got a lot of guy friends? You must be smashing them all.

Listen up men!  Us women don't do everything for your satisfaction, for your pleasure, or for your validation.  Is it so hard to believe that a woman dresses up, glams up just for herself?  Is it hard to believe that a woman can post selfies without seeking attention but she posted it because she likes her makeup and outfit that day?

Let's make one thing clear regarding the status above.  Men are just as guilty when it comes to being attention seekers on social media.  I've seen countless men post selfies of their bodies; showing off their abs and arms.  I've see men posting pictures of their cars, money, and outfits.  Sometimes these men that post these kind of pictures are just fronting for the likes to boost their egos and be "thirst traps".

If we're going to talk about how women need to chill with selfies, thirst traps or whatever you want to call it, men need to be held accountable as well when they do the same things.  If we're talking about how women need to practice modesty in all areas of their life including social media, men need to do the same.

When I saw this post I looked at it from a Christian point of view.  Yes women should practice modesty, a Christian woman knows this but a Christian man knows he should practice modesty as well.  

1 Corinthians 6:19-20New International Version (NIV)

19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

The fact that men think us women do everything for their satisfaction and their viewing pleasure and we need their validation is hilarious. It must be crazy to think that a woman really could do things without taking a man's opinion into consideration.

I have a boyfriend and he's a God fearing man but I do all things for my heavenly Father and even if I lost him tomorrow I would continue to glorify my Father because at the end of all this the only man that matters is the man upstairs.  I do things for the Lord's satisfaction, to please my Lord and I only need His validation.  

I know that not everyone who reads this may be a Christian like myself but at the end of the day when it comes to this subject, if you want to point the finger at women being attention seekers on social media, you have to point the finger at men too.  Both parties are at fault and one is not worst than the other.  Lets also keep in mind that not everything a woman does is for the attention of men.  It's not all about you.  Sometimes it's about her.  

The Lies We Tell at 7:42 A.M.

"I slept so good beside you. Look at you. You look so beautiful in the morning. You're the first girl I've had in this bed since my last relationship. No, you don't snore. You look cute when you're sleeping. I wish you didn't have to leave. I'm going to miss you."

"I slept good too. I love your kisses in the morning. You cuddle me so good. I'll stay over again soon. I want to stay in this bed all day with you. I'm going to miss you too. I'll be thinking about you all day."

He didn't sleep good. All he could think about was why they weren't having sex. He didn't think she looked beautiful when they woke up. Her hair was a mess and this was the first time he saw her without makeup. She was the 5th girl that week to lay in his bed but the first to not have sex with him. She snored all night and he wanted to call her a cab as soon as she fell asleep during the movie. He was ready for her to leave and he wouldn't be missing her.

She didn't sleep good either. All she could dream about was her ex and how much she missed him. She hated his kisses. His lips tasted nothing like her ex's lips. All night he tried to get her to have sex with him. His hands ventured off to places that still belonged to her ex and that made her uncomfortable. He didn't fill the void she had. She wasn't going to miss him. There was nothing to miss. She'll be thinking about her ex today. She will call him in hopes that she can get him back.

But Does He Pray for You?

But does he pray for you? That's what I ask. 
Or would he rather crawl into your bed and lay with you? 
And leave you alone in the morning and you only realize it when you're stretching and yawning to the other side of the bed, reaching for his hand or head, only to find that your alone instead. 
But does he pray for you? 
He's there for a good time, but when you're going through it he'll tell you good luck and become the invisible man leaving you alone to figure out your own plan.
But does he pray for? 
No but he texts you good morning and good night and gives you mad likes on the gram, but honey you're not the first and you're not the last and he's leaving you straight in his past.
But does he pray for you? 
A man of God will pray for you, never stray from you and will treat you like the queen that he knows you are. He will show you how he sets himself a part. 
So the next time you meet a man don't ask the clique first date questions that will all forget the answers to by the end of the night. 
Ask him "Would you pray for me?".
And I pray that the answer is right.

A Letter to God

Dear God,
Let me start off by saying thank you.
Thank you for your everlasting love, thank you for your mercy, thank you for your grace. Thank you for giving up your one and only son so we can have eternal life with you. Thank you God.

Dear God,
Let me continue by saying sorry. This flesh that I'm stuck in craves sin. This heart that beats within me is wicked. I'm sorry God for lying, lusting, and not gloryifing your name enough. Forgive me Lord for I am a born sinner and I want to love in your way and your light because it is truth and it's only right but the truth is I am not perfect. A Christian I am which means I strive to be the best reflection of you in a world that turns away from your word. Forgive me Lord. I live in a world of lies, hate, and temptation. But with your strength and guidance,  I can conquer it all.

Dear God,
You are awesome, you are the beginning and end, my father and friend. The Alpha and Omega, nobody and nothing compares to you. I have nothing but love for you and I show this with my actions and I'm not afraid to confess it with my mouth. God, you are so dope and your words give me nothing but hope and I have faith that one day I will be reunited with you in peace. In tranquility. When you come back for us the world will view you differently.

Dear God,
I write this letter to you with nothing but love. You knew what was on my heart before my pen hit the paper. You knew what I was going to write to you before the words came to me. And that's the coolest thing, my Lord knows everything about me.

Dear God,
I love you for everything, good, bad and ugly. You are love, you are peace,  you are my rock, my salvation, you are my everything.

With love,
Your daughter Ashley♡

The Girl of your Dreams

Summer is upon us and that means beach and lake trips, water parks, and cookouts.  It also means for ladies summer dresses, shorts, and the dreadful bathing suits.  I have never been a fan of bathing suit shopping.  Since I was 10 I wore a tankini.  A tankini is a bathing suit that basically looks like shorts and a tank top.  Since I was 10, I've had body image issues.  I also thought I was fat and when I didn't think I was fat I thought my body wasn't attractive because I didn't have your typical Latina body.  I'm never excited about wearing a bathing suit.  I'm too self conscious.  Shopping for a bathing suit that I feel good in is a exhausting and depressing experience for me every year.

Society thinks that your typical Latina has long, dark, straight hair, golden skin, and a coke bottle body.  I do not have none of that.  I'm 5'8", curly hair, and light skin.  I do not have a coke bottle body.  When I stand next to my boyfriend my mother says we look like the number 11 because I'm so skinny (but I disagree with her).  I'm not curvy like your "typical Latina" and I'm not skinny like many Caucasian girl so where do I fall?

Some may say I'm average but I don't know what I am.  Like I said, since 10 I had body image issues.  My brother, being the little brother he was would pick on me and call me fatty all the time.  I wasn't fat but in my head I already thought that and him teasing me reinforced that thinking.  In middle school I was picked on by boys and girls.  My family moved us from the Bronx to PA and I went to a predominately white school at the time.  I didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes.  I was taller than most girls and I wasn't developed like the rest of the girls.  I was a late bloomer so I didn't look like the rest of the Latinas in my school and I definitely didn't look like the white girls.  Ultimately, I was viewed as ugly in middle school.  What did I look like to me?

I looked like me but me for the longest time I didn't feel good enough.  As I got older, I started dating and every relationship I was in, the guy tried to changed something about me physically and I worked hard to achieve what was impossible until now.  My current boyfriend loves me just as I am. Even though he loves me just as I am, I still feel the pressure to look a certain way.

Currently it seems that the desirable body is something like Nicki Minjai and Cardi B.  You know what I'm talking about.  I see this type of body all over Instagram, TV, everywhere.  It's everywhere and it seems like everyone is trying to achieve it.  I also see thin and fit as still being something that is desirable as well.  Small thighs, no love handles, flat stomach, you get the picture.

I'm 23 now and I'm tired of feeling this.  I'm tired of feeling not good enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not Latina enough.  I decided this summer I will become the girl of my dreams.  I don't want to have a J.Lo body or look like an H&M model.  I want to be confident, happy and healthy.  I made a promise to myself to workout consistently, not drive myself crazy with the number on the scale, eat healthy but at the same time not feel ashamed when I have a cookie or cheeseburger once in a blue moon.

I want to believe my boyfriend when he tells me I'm beautiful and sexy.  I want to look in the mirror and like what I see.  I want to enjoy shopping for clothes, especially bathing suits.  That's the girl of my dreams.  I promise myself that I will be all these things and more.

Who's the girl of dreams? Do you feel pressured to look a certain why by friends, family, the media, or society? What are some things you are battling with when it comes to your body image?

Comment below and share your story with me.

Peace&Love

God Bless

Ash

American Scheme

So called land of the free they say but we're the prisoners of the banks. Held back by dollar signs & commas. And they get mad when we ask for $15 and hour. 
A dollar and a dream is all it uses to take to get far. Now you need the right clothes, shoes, body and fancy cars. Everyone is so materialistic and obtaining these things seems so unrealistic and it has made America so egoistic. 
Can't when walk down the street anymore because at the intersection of social and justice that's where the cops will meet. My brothers and sisters are being gunned down while their families are praying they make it before sundown.
You try to lock us up but the real criminals are in the white house and wall Street.
And if I scream "Black lives matter!", I might get beat. It's a war between us and them and our government should be the first ones condemned.
It's 2016 and we're still fighting for our rights but a bright future for this country is no where in sight. 
But like my brother Kendrick Lamar said, "If God got us then we gon ' be alright!".
American dream? Nah. American scheme.
Que lastima! Dame paciencia!
Oh I lost you? Yes I speak Spanish. You see, I'm a Latina. 1st generation. A feminist. Bronx native. Pro Black. A scholar. I'm no criminal or killer but I'm a force to be reckon with.
So America can try to sell me this so called dream. You know why they call it the American dream?
Because you have to be asleep to believe it.
But I am WOKE.

Lessons from College

Art by Sue Tsai

First things first,
CONGRATULATIONS to all the recent college grads.  Class of 2016, WE MADE IT!

Now that we got that out of the way, lets continue.  I learned a lot from college.  I don't mean I learned a lot from lecture halls, although obviously I did learn a lot in the classroom but I mean the college experience was a course itself.  We all start college wide eyed, not feeling quite equip but yet feeling invincible.  I'm sure we can all agree that college can be quite the rollercoaster.

I transferred to Millersville University as a sophomore in 2012 from Harrisburg Area Community College.  I couldn't afford to go to college right out of high school and that was okay.  I loved walking to campus everyday, then walking from class to work and then walking home.  I came home to my loving family, my dog, and home cook meals.  I had my own room, shared a bathroom with my family and I only stressed when I procrastinated.  Overall, I was really happy living at home and going to a community college. When I transferred, I lost all that.  I came to MU not knowing anyone. I was shy and literally lost.  My first day of class was my first time on the campus. My first semester I cried every night, calling my mom to come get me for the weekend.

So what did I learn at MU?

1. Campus food sucks.  I didn't gain any weight in college.  If anything I lost weight.  I'm not picky but I eat healthy and their aren't many healthy choices on campus.  I lived off of made to order sandwiches and salads, soups, and fruit until I lived off campus the second semester of my senior year.  Only then was I able to cook for myself and eat rice and beans, chicken, platanos, empanadas, the list can go on!
2. Not everyone is going to be your friend.  This may be obvious to some but to me at the time it wasn't.  All I wanted to do was make some close nit friends.  My first year at MU I got played, back stabbed and let down so much and this continued to happened till I graduated. I didn't know who to trust anymore.  People are very deceiving and being who I am, I always give people the benefit of the doubt.  I'm also sensitive and emotional, so every time I got my heart broken by a friend it HURT.  Even till this day it hurts when a "friend' does me dirty.  I feel like nothing compares to the heartbreak cause by someone you thought was your friend.
3. The majority of college guys and 20 something year old men are full on predators.  Let me explain.  I called them predators because they prey on females.  How? They lead them on, deceive them, use them, and abuse them.  I cannot tell you how many times I heard stories of girls being taken advantage of while drunk or completely unconscious.  I've heard stories from my own guy friends in college talking about how many side pieces they have and their girl back at home has no idea.  Even I have been lead on to believe that a guy had genuine interest in me only to find out he only wanted one thing.  I have female friends who say they're "talking" to some guy, and they claim they have a real connection but he's "talking"to three other females.  Now I'm not saying there aren't any nice guys in college or in my age group, but it's safe to say it's rare.
4. Temptation is everyone.  I'm a Christian and whoever else is a Christian knows that's not an easy life to live, especially in college.  Drugs, alcohol, parties, sex.  If you let it, these things can consume you.  If you surround yourself with people who are all about this, you will become all about it.  You truly are a reflection of the people you surround yourself with.  When I transferred, I wanted to make friends so bad, I would attend parties with some of the girls on my floor. It was the worst.  Before we would even get there, my "friends" would make fun of the way I dressed, saying I was too conservative.  Their go to outfits was anything tight and revealing. Not my style.  Never has been.  Then we would get there and it felt like I was a guppy surrounded by sharks and the guys were the sharks.  You can just feel their eyes on you. Guys would literally grab me to dance, not even ask and I would decline because they were just so rude.  After my third party I was done.  I couldn't get used to the environment and with that I lost all my new "friends" I just made.  Oh well.  I didn't want to indulge in any part of that type of environment.  I didn't connect with it and I had no desire to be consumed by it.
5. It's not easy but it is possible.  Everything is possible with God on your side and that's not a cliche. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength".  With classes, work, internships, temptations, self-doubt, let downs, stress, and anxiety, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have graduated.  I didn't do it.  He did it. There were times I had no money to pay tuition.  He made a way. I felt alone.  He comforted me.  I had worries and doubts.  He erased those. I was stress, depressed and had anxiety.  He brought me peace.  My relationship with God is what got me through the hardest years of my life.  God got me.

Those are just some things college taught me.  There's more but I'd like to hear from you.  What are some lessons college has taught you or lessons you're just learning.  Comment below and share your story with me.

Peace and Love

God Bless

Ash

About Me

Ash

Christian 

College Grad 

Puerto Rican/Cuban/Sicilian 

Poet 
Leader

Fighter
Winner 

Bronx Made✊ 

Youtube Channel: Ashley Effrece

Intro

Hey everyone!

My name is Ashley and here is an opportunity to share my ideas, thoughts, and experiences.
So about me; I'm just a girl from the Bronx.  Being from the Bronx, you just have a different way of thinking, talking, walking, everything.  You grow up fast and you become strong and resilient. Here in this blog you'll see just that and more.
I'm 23 years old and  I currently reside in Lancaster, PA. I recently graduated from Millersville University with a Bachelor's of Science in Speech Communication with a concentration in broadcasting.  I am now working in Lancaster for LNP Media Group Inc's Spanish newspaper "La Voz" as their multimedia advertising executive.
My blog will be an array of things.  Testimonies, lessons, poetry, ideas, and thoughts.  I was never given a platform to share any of these things so I decided to make my own and here is where I'm starting.
I hope you enjoy my blog and I hope to make an impact on my readers.
Peace and love.
God bless.